I run, but I don’t think of myself as a runner. I meditate, but I don’t think of myself as a meditator. I make things for my meals, but I don’t think of myself as a cook.
If I do things, what keeps me from considering myself a doer of those things?
This train of thought passed through the station this weekend because of three things. I went to the reservoir and ran around part of it, I sat down one morning and took 25 slow breaths, feeling the air move through my nose and into / out of my chest and belly, and I bought ingredients to make chili.
And yet I don’t think of myself as a runner, a meditator, or a cook???
Which made me realize – it’s all about the story I’ve built up about what those identities mean:
A runner is someone who runs long distances and has probably run half and full marathons and runs fast. I never run organized races and at best I jog along.
A meditator is someone who sits for long periods of time, has no meandering thoughts, and is exquisitely calm and centered. I can’t sit still even when I am engaged in a riveting activity and I had 847 thoughts just writing this sentence.
A cook is someone who can cook a myriad of recipes – without having to look at a recipe – that all taste delicious and never has to order takeout. I have 13 unopened cookbooks and an active GrubHub account.
(Notice how not only do I set the bar weirdly high for these identities, but also incredibly vaguely??? How long are “long distances”? How calm is “exquisitely calm”? How many recipes make up a “myriad”?)
If we get to decide who we are – and what sort of life we want to live – we also get to define what that means. Do I take steps at a pace that results in only one foot being on the ground at a time? Do I purposefully set aside time to take deep breaths with my eyes closed? Do I get food and put it together in a specific way and then eat it? Maybe, in fact, I am exactly who I want to be, if I would just allow myself to see it that way…
What identities are you holding back from claiming?
