Rewind the clock 14 months and you would find me feeling inconvenienced and thinking that in 2 weeks, I could resume all my plans. I was supposed to go to Vegas for a wedding the weekend things locked down, LA for an anniversary party, Jazzfest in New Orleans was coming up the next month, and I was planning to spend a full month in Chicago starting in mid-May.
Well…we all know where those plans went.
It was a sucker punch to the gut. All I wanted was to get back out there, go on my adventures, and HUG PEOPLE, DAMMIT!!! Was that too much to ask for???
Well here we are. 14 months later, with vaccines abounding (especially here in CA), and now plans are being made again, ranging anywhere from extremely tentative to full steam ahead. And I find myself feeling a bit like I was caught in the shower, mid-shampoo, when a fire drill begins.
I feel torn in a way I didn’t imagine possible all these months as I longed to get back to travel, back to seeing friends, back to having a casual drink in a bar. But 14 months of staying inside, stepping into the street when someone was passing by on the sidewalk, standing 6 feet (or more) away from someone on those rare occasions out of the house, really took its toll. I want to run into the arms of family, friends, hell, even a stranger, for a hug, but 14 months of conditioning keeps me frozen in place, wondering if they’ve had a vaccine, if they respect physical distancing, if they wear masks when indoors. It’s a fierce internal battle of King Kong proportions, and I can’t figure out who’s winning.
A few weeks ago, close friends invited a few of us to join them in Chicago as they pass through. After the first blip of delight (for the invitation and for Chicago), it felt like it was coming up so quickly – just a few weeks later – and I would probably need to move things on my schedule and it just felt like too much. So I declined and went back to the couch. I felt bummed for days – I really WANTED to go, it just didn’t feel like it made sense. I realized, after articulating it with my coach (yes, coaches have coaches, because we realize how important they are!), that pre-covid me would have jumped at the suggestion, moved ANYTHING to make the trip happen, and gotten out there lickety-split. Sigh. Somewhere in there, I know I am still that lively soul, ready to jump at the chance for a new adventure.
So guess where I am headed this week? That’s right. Hello, Windy City. I am bursting with joy – and I am also feeling serious trepidation. Part of me can’t get there fast enough and part is begging me to cancel everything and just.stay.home. The part that is winning out is the one that is hopeful yet cautious, adventurous yet loaded with masks and wipes, joyful yet wary.
It’s a good thing I’m flying Southwest so all my baggage of feelings can fly for free.
Nighttime view of Chicago from a trip a few years ago…I love this city!
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