I remember the first time I felt shame around money. I was young, probably 5 or 6, and had just walked into someone’s big house. Being young and curious and having no idea how my question would be received, I asked: “How much did your house cost?” OOPS.
I was told, very quickly, that my question was rude, everyone chuckled awkwardly, and the subject was changed. I was ashamed and felt like I’d done something wrong but I couldn’t figure out what it was. Why was it fine to ask how much a pair of shoes cost but not a house? Why was that different?
Later, it got worse – meaning even more aspects of money became undiscussable and undiscussed. And it felt like a constant landmine figuring out what was, or was not, OK to talk about, especially when I wasn’t even allowed to ask. Oh the irony.
What do you make?
How much do you have saved?
What percentage raise is it appropriate to ask for?
How dare I ask such explicit MONEY questions!! [insert overly dramatic gasp of horror]
The unfortunate consequence is that something that is innocuous (money is literally paper and metal…or nowadays, more like numbers on a screen) and we make it something unspeakable, and thereby filled with shame, embarrassment, and avoidance.
And this is how we give up our own power when it comes to money. We stop talking about it and we prevent others from talking about it by making them complicit in our own shame, embarrassment, and avoidance.
This became the experience I wanted to upend. What if we made it OK to talk about money? What if it became easy to discuss and not laden with connotations of hierarchy or value? And what if, in talking about it openly and easily, our entire relationship with money could change?
It might still be uncomfortable, but I hope we start to shift our perspective on talking about money. Let’s make money as fluid and comfortable as any other dinner table topic!
*If you’re ready to put the power of your money back into your own hands, check out my 12-week program, Your Money ǀ Your Power.
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