A word about grief
I started watching the Harry and Meghan documentary on Netflix this weekend. There was an interview segment with a school friend of Harry’s who talked about how he avoided asking Harry how he was doing after Princess Diana died. He said he didn’t want to be the one to make Harry feel bad by bringing it up or saying the wrong thing.
People feel uncomfortable around big feelings and grief is a BIG FEELING.
But the irony is, it’s usually not the asking that hurts someone; more times than not, it’s the isolation they experience because it feels inappropriate to feel their big grief feelings in front of others. Those around the griever feel uncomfortable being with someone’s grief, so everyone just avoids it – and sometimes even each other – all together.
This little segment made me wonder how differently Harry’s mid-youth years might have gone if those close to him could have just asked him how he was, and been able to be with him while he felt how he felt, until the grief didn’t feel as strong anymore. Would he still be dealing with and excavating those feelings now, decades later? Or might he have been able to grapple with them and move through them with even the tiniest bit more ease?
When faced with the grief of a friend or loved one, can we simply witness? Can we look them in the eye, see them, and not look away while they have their experience? Can we hug them, hold them, rub their back, while they feel their feelings, without even saying a word? Even if it’s hard, just this little bit of willingness to be with grief – on either side of it – could change our relationships with grief and with one another.
