I’ve noticed that a lot of coaches (myself included) often use very basic questions when we work with our clients. Sometimes it’s very simply something like “What’s important about that?” which can help someone get further into understanding their own perspective or definition of that which could have a totally different meaning for someone else.
But there is one simple question that, time and again, seems to thwart even the most articulate, thoughtful individuals:
What do you want?
I’d say 80% of the time I ask this question of someone, they furrow their eyebrows and give me a squinchy look and say, “What do you mean?”
We have gotten so far away from understanding what we want – truly, deeply, simply – that when someone asks us that directly, WE ARE CONFUSED.
[insert the same confused expression as generated by the question]
When did we stop knowing what we wanted? When did that question become the ultimate stumper?
There are messages all around us about what we should want. The things our culture has deemed desirable and important and that which make up “a good life”. Things like a thriving career where you have the top title and make boatloads of money to buy that big house that holds your spouse and your 1.9 children and domestic pet in a respectable neighborhood with organic grocers and mom-and-pop shops that live in harmony where everything is walkable but there is still ample parking for your luxury vehicle that any self-respecting adult would drive and and and…
Did you see yourself anywhere in that description?
Did you ever actually – intentionally and clearly and purposefully – sign up for that track?
Or did you get on board because that’s what’s been promoted all around us?
What if you actually stopped long enough to slow allllll the way down, to look inside instead of outside? What would you discover?
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
