Usually when I hear someone talking about burning bridges (or really, warning someone not to do it), it sounds something like this:
“Don’t burn your bridges; one day, you might need a job or a reference or a connection and if you burn that bridge, you won’t be able to get what you need.”
Now, sure, this is true enough. But it also seems a bit like treating the symptom and not the disease. When we get to the stage of being on the verge of doing irreparable damage, it means we’ve probably been suffering, in some form or another, for a while.
So I think the real question is: how do you limit your suffering and prevent yourself from getting to the point of standing at the edge of a bridge with a lit match and lighter fluid?
When you find yourself steaming, fuming, or tied up in knots, ask yourself these questions:
What is the issue that’s bothering me?What do I wish were happening instead?
What do I need to ask for or express in order to change this situation?
Who do I need to share this with?
I heard this phrase a long time ago and it comes up for me often: A complaint is an unarticulated request. So in the moments when I feel the tug of annoyance or anger at someone or something, occasionally I’m able to stop and think: what do I need to ask for that would help me be with what’s happening now?
What has worked for you in keeping yourself from getting to the point of no return?
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