The wolf in feedback's clothing
For a long time, I have led workshops, advised leaders, and guided clients through how to think about and deliver feedback. I know models and paradigms and frameworks, and they’ve all got something to offer.
But my recent experience in a 5-week learning program (more on this next week) has created a major shift in the way I think about feedback and how useful it can truly be.
First of all, we are completely mis-attributing several behaviors as feedback. When a manager asks their direct report to do something, and then “gives feedback” about how they should change it (and expects it to be done that way)…that’s not feedback. That’s a directive. Or when someone casually disparages another person under the guise of “giving feedback”, that’s just handing out veiled insults. It’s no wonder that one (ill-regarded) method of feedback is called a shit sandwich – say something nice before you tell someone how terrible their work is and then finish off with a nice little compliment to smooth over the bullet wound.
Real and true feedback is an offer, one which the receiver can take or leave at their discretion. From a scientific perspective, feedback is the observed outcome from an input. It doesn’t make that input right, wrong, or neutral, it’s simply a reporting of impact. Less-scientific feedback (with pure intentions) is someone else’s perspective, opinion, or idea, offered as additional inputs to another person’s inquiry. It is, of course, influenced by the giver’s lived experience and perspective and acknowledged as such.
Truly clean (and useful) feedback offers more inputs for the receiver to consider, to weigh against the context they know and have, against the outcome they want, and still leaves them at choice as to how to proceed.
So if you want to amplify giving great and useful feedback, check yourself on these two things:
First, determine if it’s actually feedback you want to give, or if you’re actually intending to give a directive. And then clearly label it as what it truly is.
And second, if you actually decide to offer feedback, consider what the goal or outcome the person wants and offer your best idea, opinion, or perspective on how they can achieve it, and let them decide how to move forward from there, unattached to their decision.
