Constraints
Have you ever had someone ask you to tell them about yourself? Woof. That question alone can erase any language or self-awareness skills I possess and leave me stumped. It’s just TV white noise and twiddling fingers. But if someone asked me to tell them about a place I’d been that I felt was magical, I could weave an elaborate answer right off the tip of my tongue. I may still have multiple answers to choose from, but the set has been narrowed appropriately such that it’s manageable.
We love to be unencumbered and free. To have no limits placed on us, to be in total control, to have the ultimate freedom. We fight every attempt to pin us down or fence us in.
But is that really the best circumstance for us to thrive?
Contrary to the wide open spaces that freedom appears to promise, constraints are the saving graces that keep us from feeling aimless or overwhelmed in the face of making decisions.
I show this Apollo 13 clip often to clients. The applicable part is the first minute of the clip. Even though the constraints present a challenge, they’re given a defined starting point and defined boundaries within which to solve their problem.
This has implications in all aspects of our lives. Find ways to make your life easier by adding positive constraints – things that, in a positive way, narrow your choice set. Consider these couple examples:
IN BUSINESS: Organizations often have values, which, if written well, help make decisions because they’re actually constraints articulating what things are most important. However, many organizations pick values that they actually mean as table stakes or expectations (honesty, integrity, etc.). Choose values that constrain what you’re prioritizing: e.g., being first to market (vs. having highest quality), transparency (vs. total privacy), inclusion (vs. going faster with fewer voices). This helps narrow the choice set into something manageable and pre-set to align with what matters most.
WITH FRIENDS: Consider who you want to spend your time with by noticing who brings the impact you want in your life. You may have scads of folks around you who are “good people”, but who challenges you intellectually, or brings you joy, or makes you laugh? Knowing what’s important to you and choosing time with your friends by those constraints will result in more time with the people you care most about, vs. spreading yourself thin among everyone you know.
What other ways would adding constraints enhance your life?
