The biggest betrayals: words and actions
When I started this post, I was thinking about the saying that if you want to know someone’s true feelings or intentions, watch what they do, not what they say. I’ve recently (not newly, but recurringly) been reminded that people often say things – and we WANT to believe them – but the truth comes out in what they DO.
But after giving it some more consideration, I realized there are two levels of betrayal that happen with words and actions; they just happen in different directions and can come from both parts.
When we mean what we say, but our actions are counter to our words, we’re often betraying ourselves.
This is like when we say we want to get healthy and feel strong, but we buy the Costco sized bag of Cheetos and finish them off while lounging on the couch watching Netflix.
Or like when we decide that buying a house is our most important goal, and then we go out and buy a new flatscreen TV and miss our savings goal that month.
These give us those icky, squidgy feelings in our stomachs because we want something, or care about something, but we’re sabotaging it for ourselves.
When we DON’T mean what we say, and our actions reveal what we really feel, we’re often betraying others.
This is like when we tell someone “I miss you, let’s hang out!” but then never make plans or respond to their messages.
Or when we say we want to catch up with someone and then spend dinner with them looking at or texting on our phone.
These give us those sheepish, guilty pangs because we DON’T want something and instead of being straightforward about it, we create bad feelings for others because we don’t want to have to do the hard thing of saying so.
Betrayal is hard. It hurts. And it destroys trust. Whether this damage happens to the relationship with ourselves or to the relationship with others, it’s bad news bears. This is what makes it so important to get our words and our behaviors to match. To get really honest about what we want or what we’re feeling, and then hold our actions fiercely in line with what’s true.
Where are the spots that your words and actions aren’t totally aligned? What would it take to get them on the same page?
