When I see themes and ideas cropping up over and over, it makes me sit back for a moment and wonder what I think about it that could help me see it differently to take it in. A recent such topic is that of pain and of “choosing” our pain.
Here’s an idea from James Clear, from his 3-2-1 newsletter on 12/10/20:
Many people delay taking action because they hope to avoid suffering. They keep searching for a path that won’t involve tradeoffs.
But some form of suffering is always inevitable. The process of taking action is the process of choosing your pain.
A while back, there was an internet meme that said something to this effect:
Saving money is hard; so is being broke.
Engaging in conflict with your spouse is hard; so is getting a divorce.
Exercising is hard; so is exhaustion because you’re out of shape.
Choose your hard.
And recently, I’ve been reading Principles, by Ray Dalio, which advocates for engaging in radical honesty and radical transparency – something that is highly unusual, can invite notable discomfort, and also extraordinary results.
To me, all of these things point to the same thing: there is no avoiding pain, suffering, or hardships in life. However, we can choose the pain, suffering, or hardships that come with taking a path that will move us toward a life full of what we want, or we can choose the pain of living the life that is a victim to everything that happens, with maybe some of the things we want.
I think it comes down to two crucial things:
Decide what are the MOST important things to you, the ones you’re willing to face pain head-on in order to get
Prioritize and hold strong boundaries around those things because you will need every ounce of fortitude in their pursuit
The issue I see is that we all try to do everything: I’m going to be super healthy and get promoted at unprecedented rates at work and I’ll be the best parent anyone’s ever seen and I’m going to have a beautiful, clean home and be an award-winning motivational speaker and……..you get the picture.
And instead, we end up frazzled, with half-assed results on all those things, feeling like we can’t have even one nice thing in our life. NO THANK YOU!
Seth Godin made a comment in an article or podcast that the guy on the magazine cover with the 8-pack abs is supposed to make us think we want those same abs and work to have them. But really, very few people can actually have that because it involves such intense commitment to that singular goal and the vast majority of people won’t actually do it. But goshdarnit we will try halfheartedly with grand expectations and fail mightily!
So I guess what I really want to say about all this is: find what you’re REALLY willing to suffer for, make the conscious choice to be all in, and let the rest of the suffering go!
Yes, it is painful to fall off a surfboard and have saltwater shoot up your nose…but it’s more painful to sit on the sidelines while everyone else plays without you!
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